‘Southern Allure’ Season 8 Finale Recap, Episode 15

‘Southern Allure’ Season 8 Finale Recap, Episode 15
‘Southern Allure’ Season 8 Finale Recap, Episode 15

Southern Allure

Wreck the Halls

Season 8

Episode 15

Editor’s Ranking

3 stars

Picture: Bravo

The actual Christmas miracle on this episode is that this weird season is lastly over. Naturally it ended with the entire disjointed solid having no concept the place to sit down or what to do at their huge finale occasion. Additionally, within the nineteenth hour, Leva lastly stopped speaking to her son within the kitchen and confirmed as much as one thing. One other Christmas miracle.

The entire episode facilities on Craig’s Winter Wonderland occasion, which is form of like the ultimate solid occasion but additionally a Christmas occasion for Stitching Down South, the pillow enterprise that he runs. Since he disinvited Naomie final weekend, Paige convinces him that not inviting her goes to be an excellent larger factor, so he ought to name, apologize, and re-invite her. “Paige” is, apparently, what we’re calling the producers, as a result of they actually wanted everybody on the occasion.

Then Paige asks if there’s going to be a seating chart, and Craig says no. I hope that as quickly as he stated that everybody watching at dwelling did a facepalm and stated, “Craaaaaaaiiiiiiigggggg.” Paige tells him, “You don’t need Madison randomly sitting subsequent to Olivia.” Sure, she is correct. Craig says (although a lot later), “Who am I to inform individuals the place to sit down.” Um, you’re the host of the rattling occasion, Craig. You’re deciding on the meal and the décor and having lovable little napkins folded like tuxedo shirts. Determine on the seats, too. Because of this you need to by no means let a straight boy throw a celebration. They’ll be like, “Simply get some scorching canines and hamburgers, a bunch of cans of Coors Mild, three folding chairs — and placed on my Spotify occasion playlist.” That playlist is named “Bros Earlier than Hos 2018” and undoubtedly has “Macarena” on it.

When Craig calls, Madison and Naomie are visiting Patricia and her makeshift butler Whitney to do Chambongs, that are beer bongs in Champagne flutes. Patricia says that Champagne doesn’t get her fucked-up, however three Chambongs in, she has melted out of the couch and is sitting on the ground speaking about how shit-faced she is and staring up on the angel on her Christmas tree, which is a Barbie doll of Pat in a caftan. Perfection. Craig tells us in confessional he disinvited Naomie just because he doesn’t need to be round her anymore, notably as a result of it reminds him of how imply she was to him about his stitching enterprise. When he calls, Naomie tells him that he has promised to be civil and hasn’t performed it. She doesn’t need to be round him both.

I all the time say that in Late Stage Housewifery (which this tangentially qualifies as), all fights on the present are in regards to the present. This doesn’t look like a battle in regards to the present, however a battle as a result of of the present. This right here actuality program is forcing them collectively as soon as once more when another rational exes with real-people jobs simply wouldn’t discuss to one another, see one another at occasions, or have to ask one another to issues. (Sure, you probably have youngsters collectively, that’s a complete totally different factor, however fortunately IUDs work.)

Earlier than the occasion, Shep takes a minute out from on the point of placed on his royal blue rented tuxedo like he’s going to another person’s junior promenade, to speak to Taylor about their future. He’s laying it on thick. “I really feel optimistic about having you in my life.” “I need to go locations and have adventures and who higher to do it with than you.” “I like us collectively.” You’ll be able to see Taylor sitting throughout from him on the again porch questioning the place he hid the ring field. It wasn’t in his pocket. Is it beneath this dying plant we named Tim? Nope. Is it tied to Little Craig? Nope. The place is it?

The ring doesn’t exist. As a substitute, he tells her that he’s going to place $30,000 of his personal cash right into a joint account and he desires her to give up her job and journey the world with him “till the cash runs out.” That is the dumbest factor I’ve ever heard, and I’ve listened to Meghan Markle’s podcast. That is one thing you do with a Eurail cross and a guidebook to hostels if you’re 22. This isn’t one thing you do if you’re 42. And the way far will $30,000 get you for those who’re staying in good resorts, consuming in good eating places, and flying one thing aside from EasyJet standby? Additionally, she’s gonna give up her job to go on a very long-ass trip after which come again to nothing? It’s not even lengthy sufficient to lease out her home.

However, and it’s a however larger than Austen’s after leg day, this isn’t as terrible an concept in the event that they have been married. Then the cash isn’t simply his, it’s theirs. Then she has a stage of certainty that he’ll handle her when she will get again till she will be able to discover one other job. Then she will be able to promote the home she’s residing in, repay the mortgage, and have cash to contribute to the journey fund. The issue is that Shep thinks that he can do that as an alternative of marriage, however having somebody to do that shit with is strictly the rationale you get married. Naturally, on the finish of the episode, we discover out that she give up her job, they went on the journey, they usually broke up anyway. Simply altering the place you’re doesn’t change who you’re, and Shep refuses to compromise sufficient to type an enduring and secure relationship.

Individuals begin filtering into Craig’s occasion, and nearly everybody appears superb. I believe the worst outfit of the night time is Paige’s white column with a cutout on one hip. I really don’t thoughts the costume, but it surely appears low-cost. Is that this Paige for FashionNova by BooHoo shipped by way of Shein? Each Olivia and Taylor are rocking white sparkly clothes and look superb. My favourite costume is Leva’s, which has a bizarre geometric building that exposes most of her midriff. Thank God that is eveningwear, as a result of that would go away some funky tan strains. It isn’t giving me Winter Wonderland, however Kathryn greater than makes up for it when she reveals up in not solely a white costume however a Little White Using Hood fur cape with a prepare. She reveals up on the occasion with Jake, whom she describes as her “new greatest man.” Wait, I believed this was her occasion homosexual. Is she making an attempt to cross him off as a boyfriend? Oh no, she confirms to Madison that he’s her occasion homosexual. Phew. No must recalibrate the previous gaydar.

Venita retains making an attempt to speak to Naomie, and Naomie retains avoiding her. Venita even goes as much as the bar and asks in the event that they’re okay, and Naomie says, “Yeah, we’re good,” after which walks away from a buddy of Craig’s who’s making an attempt to inform her about his mom’s hip surgical procedure. When Venita lastly does pull Naomie apart, she will get an awakening ruder than a fart alarm clock. (That’s one thing my husband invented the place he farts in my face to wake me up. I did rise up and walked instantly to the courthouse to file divorce papers.) Naomie tells her, “We’ve recognized one another for a very long time and I simply don’t assume a deep friendship is there.” Naomie additionally tells her that she solely thinks about herself and that they’re not buddies.

What? All of this as a result of she didn’t arise for Naomie on the dinner desk with Craig when Naomie was being as a lot of a jerk as Craig. Yeah, I can see how Naomie is aggravated, however she’s going to finish a friendship over that? Earlier than Venita may even converse her reality, Naomie turns to stroll away. Venita is like, “Are you going to stroll away with out even listening to what I’ve to say?” Sure, she is. The way in which these individuals have handled Venita all season is against the law. They ignore her, they name her aggressive, they are saying she will be able to’t convey up racism, they depart whereas she’s speaking. All of this whereas she is offering a defend to a present that hasn’t bothered to confront its very current racist previous. Being a Black individual should be fucking exhausting, and they’re all fortunate that Venita didn’t get out of her seat, mild a type of fake-ass Christmas timber, and watch the entire thing burn to nothing however a cinder.

After all, it will get to when everybody has to sit down down and is like, “Is there a seating chart?” No, in fact there isn’t as a result of Craig is in cost. I don’t need to begrudge Craig any of his success and I do assume that he contributes so much to his enterprise, even when that’s simply advertising and publicity. Irrespective of how good these pillows are, individuals are solely exhibiting as much as purchase them as a result of he has humiliated himself for nearly a decade on a actuality tv program. Nonetheless, this is the reason Craig shouldn’t be in cost. Everybody knew there must be a seating chart, he was too dumb to comprehend it and too cussed to alter it, after which there’s a catastrophe. We’re left with Craig saying, “You sit there. You sit there. You, transfer over. Okay, now you sit there.” Lady! You simply do that upfront and it’s known as, , a seating chart.

The largest drama, although, is that there isn’t sufficient room at “the desk” for Naomie and Leva. They’ve to sit down on the different desk. I imply, couldn’t Craig simply say, “Present individuals at this desk, muggles on the different desk.” I believe that’s what he wished. I don’t know. Now Naomie seems like Craig invited her however doesn’t really need her there. Sure, precisely, however this isn’t a manifestation of that, it’s only a manifestation of Craig’s incompetence.

Whereas that is taking part in out, Naomie says, “That is about not permitting him to drive me out of a buddy group that we’re each in.” Oh, so this is a battle in regards to the present. That is about Craig not wanting his ex on the present — a present he was on first and introduced her onto and a present that she left to go be with one other dude — and Naomie insisting she has as a lot proper to be there as Craig. Obtained it. Obtained it. Sorry, I used to be completely flawed earlier than.

It’s Leva who’s taking it the toughest, although. She says that this can be a occasion from hell and she will be able to’t imagine she’s not sitting with the remainder of the group. Oh, Leva. She has spent all season simply speaking to her son within the kitchen and now she’s mad that she’s not getting a warm-enough reception on the solid occasion? Sorry, however the good seats are for the individuals incomes their paychecks.

In case you ask me, Leva can be out of line going to complain about Craig to his enterprise companions. As a enterprise proprietor, she ought to know that’s placing his livelihood in danger. I’m not saying that Craig is an effective enterprise companion or that he does extra work than others, however don’t trash discuss the person at his personal occasion since you don’t have a adequate seat. Nonetheless, Craig was additionally out of line for yelling at her in the course of the occasion and asking her to go. Everybody’s flawed right here, everybody behaves like an asshole, and that’s the reason we watch them on tv. Additional factors to Madison, who says that she loves the mess, garnering a passive-aggressive remark and backward-pointing chook from Olivia. I’m sorry, however this girl was underutilized this complete season and we are able to see how on this one interplay.

That’s it. That’s the top of the season, and the one actually eventful factor that occurred was only a bunch of people that barely know each other lastly telling one another how they really feel. Couldn’t this have occurred in episode two? Certain, and I want it had. However everybody this season finally ends up wanting like a loser (apart from Patricia, who has already defeated all of us at this sport known as life). I swear the one who loved this occasion probably the most was John Pringle, and that’s as a result of he was good sufficient to not be there in any respect.

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